Trauma Bond Relationship: How a Trauma Bonded Relationship Can Fix?

Trauma bonding is an abused person’s attachment to their abuser, especially in a repetitive pattern of an abusive relationship.

A cycle of abuse and positive reinforcement creates the attachment. After each incident of abuse, the abuser expresses affection, apologises, and otherwise tries to make the abused person feel safe and needed in the relationship.

One of the reasons why leaving an abusive setting might feel unclear and overwhelming is because of trauma bonding. It entails pleasant and/or loving feelings for an abuser, causing the abused person to feel linked to and reliant on their abuser.

When is Trauma Bonding Possible?

Trauma bonding can theoretically occur in any situation where one person abuses or exploits another. This could include circumstances involving:

  • domestic violence
  • Abuse of children
  • incest
  • Abuse of the elderly
  • the exploitation of workers, such as those who have come to the United States without documentation
  • kidnapping or kidnapping and kidnapping and kidnapping and kidnapping and
  • people smuggling
  • Cults or religious extremism

trauma bond relationship (1)

A trauma bond forms under certain circumstances, according to the organisation Parents Against Child Exploitation. A person must do the following:

  • perceive a genuine threat from their abuser
  • be subjected to harsh torture interspersed with brief acts of kindness
  • be cut off from other individuals and their viewpoints
  • believe they won’t be able to get away
  • Severing the connection

Because the brain recognises the highs and lows of the cycle, people who suffered abuse as a child are typically lured to similar situations as adults.

Recognizing the bond’s existence is a crucial first step. Of course, when it comes to abuse, this is frequently easier said than done.

How to Break Trauma bonding?

Here are some things to try to locate proof of abuse and notice indicators of trauma bonding:

Keep a diary.

Keeping a daily journal might assist you in seeing trends and noticing issues with conduct that may not have appeared abusive at the time.

When abuse occurs, make a note of what happened and whether your partner did anything to justify it afterwards.

Consider the relationship from a different angle

Assume you’re reading a novel about your relationship. When you have some detachment from unfavourable situations, it’s frequently simpler to study them.

Pay attention to the minor aspects that make you uneasy or cause you to halt. Do they make you feel good?

Talk to your family and friends

It’s difficult to talk about abuse. When friends and family voiced worry in the past, you may have become enraged or dismissed them.trauma bond relationship

Loved ones, on the other hand, can provide invaluable perspective. Make an effort to listen and consider whether or not their observations are accurate.

Avoid blaming yourself

Believing you caused or brought the violence on yourself might make exercising your autonomy more difficult, thus keeping you in the relationship.

Remind yourself that abuse is never your fault, regardless of the circumstances:

  • what you might have done or might not have done
  • how much you dread being alone or living without them
  • how many times have you already returned?

You are deserving of better. Self-criticism and blame can be replaced with affirmations and positive self-talk to enable this fact to take root.

Completely cut off contact

Once you’ve made the decision to leave, completely break the pattern by ceasing all communication.

This may not be realistic if you co-parent, but a therapist can help you devise a strategy for maintaining just the required contact.

Find a safe location to stay, such as with a relative or friend, to create physical distance. If feasible, change your phone number and email address as well.

If you’re unable to do so, completely block them. They might be able to get through if they use a different phone number but avoid these texts and calls.

They may insist on changing, going to therapy, or doing anything as long as you return. These promises might be very appealing.

However, keep in mind how many times they’ve already vowed to reform.

Seek expert assistance

While you can take steps to decrease the trauma link on your own, these bonds are notoriously difficult to break. It’s understandable if you don’t find it simple to break free without professional assistance.

A therapist can teach you more about the patterns of abuse that lead to trauma bonding, and this knowledge can be very helpful.

You can also do the following in therapy:

  • investigate the aspects that contribute to the bond’s strength.
  • Focus on establishing limits.
  • discover how to create healthy relationships
  • confront self-blame and self-criticism
  • make a self-care strategy
  • deal with the mental health effects of long-term trauma and abuse

Working with a trauma-informed therapist is often advised.

Professionals that specialise in detecting and treating post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), particularly complicated PTSD and the aftereffects of abuse, can have the most influence on persons trying to overcome this trauma.

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